I`ve played a little more with Revit 2012 export via fbx and linked the fbx in 3d max Design 2012.
After 2 days of trial and error and google search about units and map scallings i came to this conclusion:
-you work in Revit in any unit system you want.
-than export to fbx (you should know that no matter what units you have set in revit,the fbx always carry your geometriy in a translated version with feet units)
-in 3d max go to meniu Costumize>Units Setup and set Display Unit Scale to any unit system you want.
-in the same dialog press the upper button System Unit Setup and set it to be INCHES!!. Very important. This is the default 3D max system unit and it`s not smart to change it to feet(to be the same like fbx) or to other units.
-in 3d max go to menu References>File Link Manager choose the fbx file and choose to "Combine by Revit materials". Than press "Attach this file"
-select all your geometry objects that are from Revit(not the geometry that came from another sources or native from Max). Use select by name tool (the button from the right of the select arrow). Be sure to select only the geometry not lights or another things.
-with all Revit native geometry selected go to modify tab and apply a "UVW Map" modifier and make the Box field and the Real-World Map Size field to be checked.
-Now everything is ready to be tuned or replaced (for me everything is replaced with arch&design versions).
*If you add arch&design materials from max to any object in the scene (including revit geometry) be sure that the maps defined in this type of materials are set to Real-World Scale (in the Bitmap level of the map at Coordinates subtitle) and you should put in the Size fields for With and Height the real dimension from real world(so if you have a brick texture you should know the real dimensions of one brick than make tha math for the size of the group of the bricks you see in the texture).
*If you add only materials from Autodesk Materials Library than the sizes of the textures are already defined in the maps.